Repeat

I wrote this post on my blog last January. Strange how relevant it still seems.

Starting over is never easy.
It requires you to begin again;
to leave
somewhere/something comfortable
and put yourself in a place of
uncertainty.

While I am not an avid fan of starting over, I do understand the necessity of it.
There are times when we have no choice in the matter; times when it is decided for us.
There are times when we have no other choice but to start over; times when it is our only option.
And there are times when we simply want to begin again.

I can't say what time this is for me.
Part of me feels like I have no choice; as if someone else is calling the shots.
Part of me feels this is the only possible course of action; like the alternative could destroy me.
And part of me wants so desperately to begin again.

So here I am.
Forced or willing.......here I am, starting over.
The problem lies in those memories... pregnant with hope.

In the midst of the storm

Sometimes I feel like I really should suck it up and stop being such a baby. The "problems" or "storms" in my life are nothing compared to those of some others. My life truly is blessed and regardless of what I may be going through today, God has already done more for me than I could ever hope to think or ask. But even knowing all that, I sometimes still feel as if I am in the middle of a storm that is raging out of control. It may be inconsequential to everyone else around me, but to me it is exhausting and frightening and completely overwhelming. My dear friend, Erin, shared this with me today and it was like salve to my soul.

"There's something about strong winds that make you realize how easily you could blow away. There's something about Jesus sleeping thru such winds that make me realize how confident He must have been in His ability to speak to a storm. There's something about that which makes me really take heart in hearing the words "Peace. Be still."

I realize that, even as we are doing well here and are really making this transition well, we all really need to hear His word: "Peace."Peace. Be still.

Take a deep breath (I'm talking to myself, here). My God is bigger than these gale-force winds... whatever they are... we may have to walk with our heads down pressing forward with all our might, but we will not be blown away. Nor will you."

My prayer in the midst of this storm is for peace; peace to face it head on(whether I like it or not) and overcome and grow. And that peace can't be fabricated or faked. That peace comes directly from the One who both created the storm and has the power to calm it at any moment. Lord, let me be still!

Having you there....

"You are better off to have a friend than to be all alone, because then you will get more enjoyment out of what you earn. If you fall, your friend can help you up." ~Eccl. 4:9-10
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My life is so much more enjoyable because of the beautiful women God has placed in my life. And my life is so much more bearable because they are there to help shoulder the load that this life offers.

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I love you, girls! From the core of who I am.

Resting...

I had my ipod on shuffle this afternoon and these words seemed to come at the moment I most needed to hear them today. Thank you Reuben Morgan. And thank you to my Heavenly Father who knows exactly what I need and when I need it.

In to Your hands I commit again
All I am for you, Lord
You hold my world
In the palm of Your hands
And I am yours. Forever.

Jesus, I believe in You
Jesus, I believe in You
You're the reason that I live;
The reason that I sing with all I am

I'll walk with you wherever You go
Through tears and joys
I'll trust in You
And I will live in all of your ways;
Your promises. Forever

When The Rain Comes

When the rain comes it seems that everyone has gone away

When the night falls you wonder if you shouldn't find someplace

To run and hide

Escape the pain
But hiding's such a lonely thing to do

I can't stop the rain

From falling down on you again

I can't stop the rain

But I will hold you 'til it goes away

When the rain comes you blame it on the things that you have done

When the storm fades you know that rain must fall on everyone

Rest awhile

It'll be alright

No one loves you like I do

I can't stop the rain

From falling down on you again

I can't stop the rain

But I will hold you 'til it goes away

When the rain comes...

I will hold you

~Third Day

Friendship

I've lived a lot of places in my life. I've worked at a lot of different jobs. I've played on a lot of teams. And consequently, I know a lot of people. I don't mean that arrogantly either. I have had the privilege of interacting with and getting to know a large number of very different people. There are old classmates, going back to my K-5 days and all the way through my one shining semester in grad school. There are old teammates from middle school, high school, AAU, college, and church league. There are people I was in 4-H with. There are people from each of my very different jobs, starting when I was ten years old. There are people from church. There are people from the gym. There are people who I know through my six siblings. There are people I just know through other people. Most of these people I would venture to classify as acquaintances of mine, in varying degrees of relationship. Some of them I haven't seen or talked to in years and some I may never talk to again. But there are a few, a select few that I would proudly call my friends. And an even smaller number who are my "kindred spirits", my +1's, the friends to whom my soul is forever tied.

"Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family." (Prov 18:24)

I was trying to think about what a true friend is and what characteristics they possess. These are the things I recognize in my true friends that I value, cherish, and am so thankful for. They're always there, no matter the circumstances. They "love at all times", even in the midst of conflict, adversity, and despair. They are the ones there to pick me up when I fall, encourage me when I falter, and praise me when I succeed. They understand the value of having my trust. They respect the choice I have made to confide in them and they protect that. They protect me. They prove themselves every day as worthy of my trust. They respect me. They put up with my craziness. They don't judge me in my weakness. They're quick to forgive. They listen.....a lot. They love me in spite of myself. They love me outside of themselves. They extend grace to me when I least deserve it. They are for me. They cheer me on, having no personal stake in my success. They accept who I am. They don't require me to prove anything. They do not look to me for validation or worth. They are the hands and feet of Jesus in my life. They confront me in candor and love. They encourage me in my walk with Christ. They speak Truth into my life.

I don't deserve to have any of these people in my life, but in His grace, God has blessed me with more than a few. I do not know where or what I would be without the true friends God has placed in my life. I only hope and pray that I can be that type of friend in return. I love you guys!

3.23.09

I wasn't sure where this phrase came from, but I felt the strongest urge to use it today.

"piss or get off the pot"

As it turns out, it's absolutely fitting for how I feel today.

"[Piss] or get off the pot" is a common English language colloquial expression, used to imply a person should follow up their stated intentions, with action. It is also used to urge someone to complete a task with a greater degree of efficiency or timeliness than is observed at the time the expression is used."

Like I said: fitting!