Nuggets of Truth

The Lord has brought me to this place.
I am where I am by the grace of God, just as much as I am who I am because of His grace.

It would be easy, and some days is, to try and look into the future to see just how everything
is going to turn out. It think it's only human to want to exert some kind of power over the situation and want some say so in how things happen. Truth is though, we don't get a say.

God is up to something and not just in the world. He's up to something in my life. And I can either enjoy the process or try and change things I have no control over. He has placed me in situations and surrounded me with amazing people for a reason. Who am I to try and figure out just what He is doing and why?

So, for the time being I think I'll just enjoy it all. I am going to embrace each situation and circumstance for what it is: an opportunity to learn more about myself and learn more about Jesus. And I am going to relish each opportunity I get to spend time with all of the amazing friends and family He has so graciously placed in my life.

I'm giving up control and just living my life. And you know what? That's the best way to live.
There's peace and freedom there. Who knew!?!?!

A New Day

Sunsets are beautiful. Blah. Blah. Blah

As much as I marval at their beauty, I've only recently begun to marvel more in the renewal and restoration they seem to offer.

As the sun falls from the sky each day, it's almost as if it latches on to layer upon layer of skyline and drags it past the horizon; each layer a different color and full of individuality.

After the last sheet of color as fallen and the golden ball is completely out of site,

you are left in darkness,

scrambling to find your way.

The only thing you can do is wait for the inevitable;

wait for what you are sure of;

wait for the sun to drag a new day up with it.

And here's what I know and have come to appreciate and relish over the past several months: the sun does rise, "tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it", and His mercies are new every morning. Yesterday and all its layers are gone the moment the sun falls from the sky draped in color. You cannot change anything about it. You can, however, change today. That's the beauty of sunsets to me; they're quickly followed by a sunrise.

And a sunrise is full of newness, hope, and possibility.

Day 1

"Funny how time and distance change you

The road you take don't always lead you home"

These lyrics have been running through my head all day.

Maybe because I'm hoping there's some truth to them.

I'm hopeful that the first line is absolutley true.

I'm hoping upon hope that time and distance can change you;

can change me;

can change my heart.

And I guess I'm hoping that this road I'm about to start out on...

will lead me straight home.

And by home, I mean back to myself.

Another Year

On one's birthday, I feel it is proper to reflect over the past 365 days.

Allow me to recap my 27th year....

1. Confrontation, however much I loathe it, is necessary. It doesn't mean attacking the other person, but it does mean standing up for myself and standing up for what I believe to be right, both of which are worthy causes!

2. Simplistic living really isn't all that bad. There's something to be said for living without clutter.

3. Sometimes the worst decision turns out to be the catalyst for the best thing coming into your life!

4. Family is not restricted to blood relation. Family is the people who love you unconditionally, support you regardless, and faithfully do life alongside you.

5. There's nothing wrong with knowing what you want and what you deserve. There is also nothing wrong with holding out for both.

6. Jesus + Nothing = Everything!


To all my people (you know who you are): I love you dearly and thank God for allowing me the priviledge of having you in my life. I am blessed beyond measure.

Choices

I can't remember where I heard the statement "you teach people how to treat you", but it's begun to run through my mind on a daily basis. A wise friend told me a couple of nights ago that you can only hate how someone treats you or how you are treated in a relationship for so long. At some point you can't blame it on anyone else; at some point you have to realize that it's your fault.

I didn't really want to hear that because it's easier to pretend like it's out of your control and that you're this helpless victim when it comes to being hurt and mistreated. I'm beginning to realize, ever so painfully, that I'm not a helpless victim in this. If anything, I'm a willful victim; some sort of masochist. And that realization causes my blood to boil, but at the same time breaks my heart. Because the truth is, when you open yourself up in a relationship you fully expect the other individual to respect that and respect you. You never hope or expect for someone to simply take what they want out of their end of the relationsihp and care nothing about your end. It saddens me to think that people are that selfish and it saddens me even more that I trusted them.

I read an article this morning and it seemed all too relevant. Here is a portion of it:

"One of my favorite quotes is "the genius of good communication is to be totally kind and totally honest at the same time." I repeat this quote often to remind myself how to approach teaching people how to treat me. If I do not tell the truth about what works for me, I cannot expect another person to honor and respect it. Learning to teach people how to treat us takes practice.

You may still have folks who have been in your life for a long time who take advantage of you, treat you poorly, or are angry, abusive or violent. A habit has been established and they may like it a lot! Consider telling them the truth about how their behavior affects you and what changes would make the relationship feel more respectful and caring for you. Be both honest and kind. Be prepared to have to repeat this information consistently over time. It is sometimes "inconvenient" for these folks to remember that you have now stated your preferences. They may not want to change. Holding these boundaries also requires attention on your part. Once you have asked for the change, you must insist on it or consider giving up the relationship. Both of these tasks take positive self-esteem and self-confidence."

It's taken me awhile, but I think I'm ready to ask for change and insist on it. No, I think I'm ready to demand it. I'm not sure I have the self-esteem or self-confidence to do that just yet, but I'm moving forward with or without it.

she said it better

Just about the time the shadows call
I undress my mind and dare you to follow
Paint a portrait of my mystery
Only close my eyes and you are here with me
A nameless face to think I see
To sit and watch the waves with me till they're gone
A heart I'd swear I'd recognize is
Made out ofmy own devices....
Could I be wrong?

The time that I've taken
I pray is not wasted
Have I already tasted
my piece of one sweet love?

Sleepless nights you creep inside of me
Paint your shadows on the breath that we share
You take more than just my sanity
You take my reason not to care.
No ordinary wings I'll need
The sky itself will carry me back to you
The things I dream that I can do
I'll open upThe moon for you
Just come down soon

The time that I've taken
I pray is not wasted
Have I already tasted
My piece of one sweet love?
Ready and waiting for a heart worth the breaking
But I'd settle for an honest mistake in the name of
One sweet love.

Savor the sorrow to soften the pain sip on
The southern rain
As I do, I don't look don't touch don't do anything
But hope that there is a you.

The earth that is the space between,
I'd banish it from under me...to get to you.
Your unexpected love provides my solitary's
Suicide...oh I wish I knew

The time that I've taken
I pray is not wasted
Have I already tasted my piece of one sweet love?
Ready and waiting for a heart worth the breaking
But I'd settle for an honest mistake in the name of
One sweet love.
(One Sweet Love by Sara Bareilles)


these days.....she seems to say it better!

new eyes

The past several days I've been experiencing this abnormal sense of peace. I don't mean that peace is abnormal, I just mean that it is abnormal for me lately. I'm also not saying that the peace of God is abnormal, but it is not a natural human emotion. I can say with certainty that it is the peace of God that has begun to hold me in this tranquil state of rest. I can't explain it really, since my life is about to be in disarray once again and it would make total sense for me to start worrying and stewing over everything. This verse came to mind this morning and I read it with new eyes and began to see my life for what it is and how it is.....

"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes." Matt. 6:34 (The Message)

I've had other experiences in my life where I have been called (sometimes forced) to depend on and trust in the Lord. This time is no different. I don't know where I'll be living in two weeks, but I do know that "God will help [me] deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes".

There's real peace in that concept; real Peace and unexplainable Freedom.